Life

Fade In: My Lamest Attempt at Hooking Up

December 14, 2010

I was never good at hitting on women. At least not in the traditional sense. In other words, I was never one of those guys who could go to a bar and charm some girl into going home with me. For one thing, the thought of using “pick-up lines” always made me cringe. Who, I [...]

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A Jersey Story

December 12, 2010

There are times in everyone’s life when they realize it’s time for a change. A change that signifies they are getting a little older, a little wiser or, at the very least, less ridiculous. Like when a guy realizes he’s too old to be wearing earrings if at least 50 percent of his income is [...]

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The Classless Chap vs. The Salutation Shunner

December 3, 2010

Although I have a low threshold for stupid people and often feel like we are being inundated by them, I actually like people. Hell, I may even go so far as saying I’m a people person. OK, OK, that may be stretching it, but I’m at the very least a part-time people person. I’d like [...]

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Mr. Happy Becomes Mr. Cool

November 30, 2010

I’ve always ignored those “Enlarge Your Penis” spam emails. Despite all my hopes and dreams, I’m smart enough to know that mine is never getting bigger. Que sera sera, right? However, I did receive one of those emails yesterday that caught my eye. The subject line was: “It’s just cool! – Have a cool penis!” [...]

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This is a Blog Post, Bitches!

November 29, 2010

It’s Monday, bitches! I’m annoyed, bitches! I’m writing about it, bitches! You’re reading about it, bitches! The “it” I’m referring to is the practice of adding “comma bitches” to Facebook and Twitter updates.  What may have once been considered cute or funny – and I’m not convinced it was ever either of those things – [...]

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Don’t Leave Me Hangin’ On The Telephone

August 31, 2010

I don’t answer the phone. If you’ve known me for a while, you’re probably saying to yourself “no shit.” Well, you can keep saying it to yourself, because if you call me to say it, you’re not gonna reach me. My phone phobia started around seven years ago, and I’ve never known what triggered it, [...]

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That Would Be a Cool Idea

August 25, 2010

One thing I’ve mastered over the years is coming up with decent to pretty cool ideas, then never seeing them through. I realize that a lot of people do this but I may just be the Michael Phelps of procrastination. The Brett Favre of dilly-dallying. The Babe Ruth of lollygagging. The Roger Federer of terrible [...]

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It’s Salt AND Pepper Not Pepper and Salt

August 16, 2010

Today I was chatting with a friend, telling him how I was thinking of writing about some of my OCD tendencies. One that I mentioned was how I can’t stand it when my wife puts the salt shaker to the right of the pepper. His response: “What’s the problem with that? Everybody knows it belongs [...]

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Celebrity Fantasies and Mark Ruffalo Dreams

July 26, 2010

Almost every couple has had the “Celebrity Pass” conversation, in which you’re granted a guilt-free one-night stand with a celebrity of your choice. This morning, my wife switched it up a bit and asked me which celebrity I could see myself having a relationship with. While it’s true that I hung Anna Nicole Guess ads [...]

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The Weirdest Thing I’ve Ever Been Told During Sex

July 21, 2010

Several years ago a girl said something to me that I still do not understand. While doing something that will be obvious she said, “Don’t cum in my mouth. I have kids.” As weird as I found this statement, I wanted her to get back to what she was doing so I quickly assured her [...]

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